In A Nut Shell

I've written a lot lately but I cant bring myself to publish it. All my rights and wrongs are uncertain at this minute. I do not live, in that privileged place, where laws are lain out and simply followed. So I give to you my half formed, dot pointed, semi-sane thoughts:

• I am letting Stephen eat buttered bread for breakfast. He is so thin that I am happy for him to slather it on, he loves butter; the word, the colour and the food. 
• Matt just said "I love you with most of my viscera region" and I think that's super cute.
• I am getting married in three weeks exactly and I cannot tell the difference between excitement and anxiety any more. 
• Today is Australia Day, aka the day I piss everyone off because I refuse to be jovial about our culture, on the anniversary of national theft and political dehumanisation. Survival day is fine, but I do prefer What The Fuck Is Wrong With Our National Psyche That We Think This Is Okay Day.. quite the ring to it don't you think?
• The boys go back to school on Thursday next week. I need that time at the moment, to finish organising the wedding, help Jacob find a job, clean some shit up and you know just be with my fiancée before we tie the knot.    
• The boys go back to school on Thursday next week and I really don't want them to. Our house is peaceful, we have had some bad days but not in comparison to a bad day during term. The delightfulness that I normally focus on and celebrate in this space has been our most of the time, I never want that to end. 
• I cannot remember Isaac's last honest-to-god, pin-him-down-before-he-hurts-himself, melt down. Stephens was yesterday morning, but we were out of clean spoons at breakfast time. 
• My wedding dress is in the country.
• I have had a nightmare about the wedding every night for the past few weeks.
• Yesterday Jacob told me I was a good mum, I said thank you and quizzed him about why he get so cross at me sometimes... I am still learning to be gracious. 
• An old friend told me I was a perfectionist and a new one observed an aversion to conflict. I feel a little transparent and small.
• My Whac-A-Mole Life gave me a Liebster award but I can't get my shit together to respond to all the requirements so instead I will say thank you and it's so nice to be noticed!
• I had a glass of wine last night but it made me feel even more anxty than I already was, so I didn't have another. 
• Isaac is obsessed with Tsunamis and wants you all to know that if you see the tide go way, way out at once, don't go and see what's happening on the beach, just run for higher ground instead. 

oxox